Die Schmerzliche Wahrheit

Table of Truths
Normal, Remain, Lost, Resounding.
Blessed, Edgewalking, Decay.
You, Me.
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Does no one ever listen? Does no one understand?
Looking into the eyes of the hollow people I see nothing but emptiness, darkness, and cold decay.
Have their forgotten us? Or are we the ones to blame?
Why are we here in this cold dark place? Forgotten and alone.
Why do we suffer the agonies of ancient suffering? Take the burden of sins long past?
Is it truly our fault for being who we are? Should we have to pay the price for being chosen?
Chosen from all the others, to be different, to be unlike those who are the judges.
"Judge me", I say. I say it proudly as I stand. "Judge me as you'd judge yourself."
Take it all at face value. I know you do. What angry surge of inbred lineage has caused you such pain?
To think yourself above all else, to think that you are special, that you are normal.
I ask you this, you deluded twit, if normal is but your life then who but you is?
Delusions of grandeur I believe, nothing more than your weightless fantasy.
Who can claim to know the mind of God? Who then can claim to speak his words?
The painful truth is this my friend. There is no verdict on this case for yours is but a nut.
Should I have lived in your big shoes, I'd have lost them long ago.
Your foolish pride, your ignorance, all in all you make me sick.
Can you not see beyond your own prejudice, your own fear of what you do not understand?
Or is that fear, the primal emotion of absolute terror more than you can handle?
I think it's that you just can't bring yourself to take a look in the mirror,
Maybe then you'd realize why you hate us, because you are afraid of yourself.
When you see that reflection of what is, does it shatter your perfect dream?
Does it bring your world crashing down upon yourself so that your limited views are obscured?
I ask again to all of us, why are we here in this place? What prison have we made for ourselves?
Is it not far fetched to somehow think that maybe we have allowed this to be?
That somehow by not acting up, not standing for ourselves, we allow them to destroy us all?
Are we so blind to not see their err? Too blind to step forward ourselves?
They think they can forever rule, never dealing with their hate.
But damning us for all of time can't deliver them from their fate!
This world is coming to a point, a deadly point, a place not many want to go.
It's getting darker day by day, edging towards the abyss.
The painful truth is waiting on the other side, should any of us survive.
Will anyone ever listen? Will anyone ever understand?


I am still here. Here I stand. For so long I have been afraid and alone. Unwilling to face even the simple truth. What have I become? A bitter, shallow, empty shell of the one I once was. I have lost that which made me - me. I have lost my way. Abandoned in a world which has turned it's back on me. I stand here, in the absolute darkness, accepting my fate, knowing that I have finally arrived at my final destination. Then, I see it; why I did not before still unknown, a light that stabs through the darkness, and blinds my eyes from all else. She does not know, and I can not say. My tongue has been silenced, my voice torn from my very being. She is the one, the one who can finally bring me back from this place, and yet I do not speak. Fear. The realization is complete. All I have become is a vessel filled with fear. Not fear of the one I Love, but fear of myself. The mirror returns, and I look into it. Fear, Hatred, Prejudice; words all of which describe how I feel of what I see within. In a world so dark, I can hate myself, yet Love someone else with all my heart. Why is the world so dark? If only I could ever say, if only I could ever speak the truth. Only the lies remain, and even they slip away, until only one remains. I am still here.


Lost. Gone beyond it all, swallowed up by the infinite void of silence. Everything that could have been, now it's nothing. Traces of what was left behind reminding us of it all. The emptiness, the shallowness, the cold dark place into which few dare to gaze, and fewer yet ever escape.
Building up walls, trying to protect our inner spirit, but only trapping ourselves in a prison of our own design. Empty spaces are all that remain of our glorious utopia. Lonely streets, lonely hearts. Why did we let it come to this? Didn't we see what we were doing? Or have we always been blind to our own actions?
Totally unaware that we have brought about our own downfall. Meaningless words echoing against our own hypocrisy. Why do we hate each other so? Has it always been this way? We guide our own destiny. If we continue on the way we are going, it won't be long before the final outcome is revealed. Death.


Beyond it all, past all we see, the truth awaits us, if we let it be. Worlds of magick, worlds of beauty, worlds of pain and worlds of terror - vast is the possibilities when we gaze within our own realities. Time cannot destroy that which lives within our hearts, that which resounds within our minds. We know the vision. We know it inside ourselves, at a level that we cannot even begin to understand. Everything is there, the truth, the lies, the very purpose of our existence, and yet we heed it not. Why do we treat ourselves this way? We do we punish ourselves for that which makes us what we are? We could be everything, but we force ourselves to be nothing. Why do we not grasp onto all our potential, all that could be, and make it happen? Our reality awaits, and yet we cast it off and let ourselves fall into the abyss of emptiness. Turn away from them. Turn from all they stand for. It's time to put them behind us now. It's time to accept that which was, that which is, and that which is to be. For we are that truth. Accept it, encourage it, Embrace it. Will you be there?


How has it come to this? How have we let ourselves degenerate into this? Beyond a state of decay, we're rotting fast. The bugs are eating at our still warm corpses. Eating, eating, the ultimate in civil rights. From the dirt we once were raised, and to the dirt we now return. Primordial soup or God's golden clay. The difference? None at that, just theories and legends, proving nothing, but exposing the same basic truth (we're nothing but dirt). Blessed be the man who pours the gasoline. Blessed be the woman who lights the match. Adam and Eve, they were Africans you know. We all came from Africa. Kudos to the fucking Ku Klux Klan, you hate your own ancestry, and thus you hate yourselves. The inspiration to mankind itself, self-hatred, the ideal goal, the sole aspiration of a dying society. The preachers of hate, spitting their drivel, spreading their lies, and when they are done, going back home and swimming in the piss of their enemies. It's salty isn't it. May sting the eyes a bit. Try gargling, your breath smells worse than the words it conveys. How has it come to this? Or has it always been? Cycling over and over and... Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. And once again back to dirt.


Coming forth from the edge of darkness, into the light of our world. When you finally see the truth for what it is, you'll wish you'd stayed in the darkness. Edgewalkers, the guardians of twilight. Remain. Untouched, unaffected by either side. Unknown-unknowns? The truth always is. Have we forgotten why we are here? Or did we ever have a reason to begin with? To hell with those who can't answer. To hell with you too. To me as well, for that matter. If you don't believe (only) what I say, you're going to go to Hell. I have a feeling that place is going to be rather full if those are the criteria. Good versus evil, the ultimate battle? Does it ever end. What is Good? What is Evil? We always see things in absolutes: Good, Evil, Light, Darkness. Even politics: Right, Left. There is always bleedthrough. There are always more than two choices. Libertarians anyone? Twilight-seeking Edgewalkers dance to a different tune. A Song of Harmony, a Harmony of Song. A fine line there is. Genius, Insanity. It once was said, the only people who know where the Edge is, are those who have already gone over it. Experience both polarities... Walk with one foot on both sides of the line. Then with us, you will. Remain.


What have we become? A question often asked, but never answered. A question that nobody really wants to know the answer to. What are we really? A race of inbred prejudice, a world of hateful oppression, a planet filled with destructive demagogues and brutal demigods. A decaying society wallowing in its own waste; watching as everything it had built up is slowly torn back down. Are we really as blind as this? Can we truly be this lost? Sitting back while everything around us falls apart; waiting for the final hour, upon when nothing else shall ever disturb our slumber again. Our self destructive pattern, be it individually manifested; a mental conflict which will lead only to death, or as a collective goal; the ultimate vision -- total annihilation of all humanity. What have we really become? Idiot drones in a world of ever growing chaos; the voices of our minds but a torrent of aimless, meaningless jabber swallowed up by the silence of eternity. God is dead. Or so said Nietzsche, but so are we, inside. Dead but breathing, dead but fighting, dead but fucking. An entire society of the living dead, and not a one that knows it. From the outside we look in, we laugh at those less fortunate than us, we make jokes about those less beautiful, we mock those less powerful, sneer at those less famous or popular, vilify those less 'normal'. Do we ever stop and wonder what side of the wall we're really on? What is fortune? What is beauty? How about power, fame, popularity? For that matter, what is normal? Take a look in the mirror, what do you see? Can you answer that question? Honestly? The hypocrisy and self deception that have seeped into the very core of our modern society blind us to the truth. You aren't looking in at the abnormal in a box. You are in the box, with the free looking in at you. Take another look.


All alone -- Flesh sorn from the bone:
splitting, ripping, searing, tearing... 
 the blood, oh God, the blood... no shame, none.
Not one iota, but oh God the blood.
Elaboration of collaboration, and in all of murder.
Elaborate, to the point of nihilistic disregard of purpose. 
Intricate as a blank white wall. 
Complex as a single atom spinning aimlessly throughout eternity. 
What more, what more. Until the beginning again, what more.
The guise of guys barely disguise the traitorous lies, the blood shot eyes.
Fear, and fury -- no pain. 
Tis but a moment of sanguine rapture, broken like the flesh of a martyr.
Bleed now, bled out -- no doubt, no pain.
And once again, dispair, disdain, but ever yet, no pain. Remain.
Like nothing else, alone and cold. 
Bitter sorrow flowing down like amber melting from within a heart of darkness.
Hashish in a pipe, smoke it up, toke it up. 
Higher now, go, go, away from it all, away from yourself. 
Smoke it all up, abandon all else. Self slips away, silence surrounds. 
So when you fall down, smoke it all up.
Do you? Well do you? The question unanswered. 
Leaves holes in our reality, tearing through the fabric,
 into unseen and untold. 
Worlds of magic and chaos, worlds of beauty and torture. 
Suffering eternal bliss, tormented by utopic perfection --
 euphoric in the misery, basking in depravity. 
God saw nothing, he closed his eyes and let the world die. 
Chocolate and sodomy, eaten and come.
Where the hell would I begin. As high as I am, lost in the moving screen. 
Not knowing what to talk about, the world coming in all around me.
Envisioning the death of Christ, watching Him get nailed to a tree. 
Spikes through his wrists, the blood pouring down, 
 thorns piecing his head, tearing his flesh. 
Stabbed through the side with a spear from a soldier. 
Beaten and battered -- this is God.
Crusify me, for my sins are stained red.
Stained red with the blood of the innocent. Stained.
Inside myself there's an empty space, an empty place
 an empty --
Fill me with your pride, with your glory, with your envy.
Envious of that which you can never have. 
That which can never be taken away.
Forever in myself I see you 
 - and you 
 - and you.


Alive. Alive- again, alive. But what hense is life? I waken to a morning sun- a mourning son. Confusion is my name. Dissolusion, illusion, pain. A path walked by cripples, a sight seen by the blind, the screams heard by deaf ears, uttered by mute mouths. Why is it so? Why do we always follow the same road? Going nowhere. It's time to awaken from this nightmare we have created- reanimate our souls, re-energize our minds. I've seen the future, I've walked its streets. I've overcome my fears, and conquered my own defeat. Never again. No longer will I walk alone, no longer will I wonder why. I have found my purpose, found my vision, found myself. My hand in yours, we'll walk away. Leave this place, never to return. The past is that, it's past. Learn from it what you can, then let it be, a warning to the future of what never to repeat. Afraid no more of my inner silence, abandon all the hidden places. In this I stand, the light of a new truth. In you I find myself again, and forever here I shall remain. This is the future, this is the reason, this is the revelation. Crave it, endulge it, live it, share it. This is me.


   judgement is upon us, where will you be? It is not but a fleeting moment
in a fading
 How is it that we manage to make it in a world so lost?
                                     Or do we?

I don't know, I don't know if we can ever truly know. It may be one of
those things that is impossible to know. Like the name of God.

     -- hence forth called: "I AM"

                      // the question remains //
 * But answers are not 
                   It's a mystery to me, and perhaps as well to you.
Not that it really makes much difference now.
             * Did it ever?

Of course, we could change course. We could choose a new direction.
 If only we could see our mistakes, if only we could realize the errors
in our ways.

                              I AM

When the final
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