Back in the spring, I started a series of posts on jealousy, and briefly touched on the difference between jealousy and envy. I kind of want to expand on that, because while jealousy is talked about a LOT in the various relationship communities, envy is far less discussed. I think that's a problem. So first off, jealousy has it's root in fear. Fear that your connection with someone will be loosened or broken by their connection with someone else. It's explicitly about connections you already have. Envy on the other hand I think is more rooted in self doubt and feelings of inadequacy. In a relationship context, it's when you see people with connections that you don't have, and really wish you did. The people you are envious of might be your own partner(s), or maybe friends, acquaintances, or even strangers that just remind you of "what you are missing". That's the real danger of envy, it so fills you with feelings of self-criticism that it can blind you to all the good in your life. I'll expand on this subject further in a later post. Right after I spend several hours/days reading similar posts written by people far more eloquent than I and wishing I had that writing ability...
2025 Follow-up: Redefined
The topic of jealousy vs envy came up again recently in a discussion and I offered a boiled down to basics definition of both:
- Jealousy is the fear of losing a relationship (or possession) to someone else.
- Envy is the desire to have something that someone else has.
Which is pretty much what I said in the original post, but the boiled down version is easier to quote. 😁
Also it just occurred to me that while explicitly adding the fact that people can be jealous over possessions, there are quite a few people who are very possessive of their relationships as well. Something I may touch on in a future post.