So I probably have a few posts worth of thoughts on the concept of "friends with benefits". I've given the reasons I don't particularly like the term itself, but for these posts I'm using it, as it's well understood.
Anyway, first off would it surprise anyone to know that I'd be open to add "benefits" to just about all of my friendships? You might think that's just hyperbole, but I'm actually completely serious.
A slight digression... I'm one of those people who has no intrinsic connection between sex and romance. Being demi-romantic, I'm only rarely romantically attracted to people, and just about always it's with someone I've already had alterous attraction to already, and 100% of the time it's for someone I already have a strong platonic connection with. At the current time I have only one active romantic connection, and I'm lucky, I married her! I currently also have one active alterous attraction, which is fulfilled with a deep platonic relationship that brings much joy to my life! I also have tons of amazing platonic connections with so many wonderful people, I feel blessed to have you all in my life!
Anyway, getting back to the topic of FWB, as I said, I'm open to exploring this kind of connection with pretty much all of my friends, BUT with a few caveats!
- The friend must be sober when they ask. This should be a no-brainer, but some people don't seem to get that consent while under the influence isn't active consent.
- If there's any chance that such a relationship could jeapordize the existing friendship, I'm not doing it. Sorry, but no "benefits" are worth risking losing a friend!
- Do I really need to say this? Gotta be legal. No R. Kelly grossness! 🤢
Anyway, yeah, the way I see it, unless you're asexual, most people like sex. So if a couple of friends want to explore sexuality without the usual romantic entanglement, why not go for it? I've had a few such relationships over the years. Often they end up shifting properties over time and many go back to being purely platonic after a while. At the moment I'm on a FWB hiatus (mostly because, well, have you heard of COVID?) I do think the world would be a much happier place if there weren't so many prudish social taboos around sex, romance, nudity, etc. But that's a different topic (one I have discussed before in one of my unfinished series of posts that I might one day get back to.)
Anyway, I had more to say on this, but my focus is gone again. Hopefully what I did write makes sense. Hey, I managed to write a post with only one major digression, that's gotta be progress! 😀
Until next time, much love to all my fellow Theorists! 💖
Follow-up from the comments
Wasn't explicitly said, but was pretty much implied by caveat #1, I'm not likely to be the one to bring up the subject in conversation. If someone asks me, I'll certainly respond, but other than my usual smart ass comments (partly joking, partly serious) about orgies, threesomes, foursomes, etc., I'm probably not going to just going to up and say, "hey, feel like having sex later?" That just doesn't work with my neurodivergent brain. I think it may mostly be because RSD makes me envision illogical worst case responses.
I'm good with answers like "no thanks" or "hell yeah", but the RSD that makes me imagine people backing away and never talking me again... Hey I said it was irrational, but knowing it's irrational while describing it now is very different than experiencing it!
So that said, anyone feel like having sex later? 😂😘💥💦