Well, hello there! It's been a while I see. And time I think to start anew - to be or not to be, that is not the question. Today we'll be talking about Ms. Martha, of the Stewart variety. But wait, don't go. There are things in the news I must cover, so come inside and stay out of the rain.
Okay first up, they make a big deal out of Martha Stewart getting ready to go to a big ol' pumpkin festival in Canada. Then on Sunday morning, she calls up and says her plane wasn't able to fly. Woah there lady, slooow down, I think it's time to see clearly now.
Okay, so like Saturday night, Martha decides to party hardy and drop the 8 ball, then goes on a serious date with Captain Morgan. After dropping the 8 ball a few more times, and draining the life out of the good Captain, she realizes it's now Sunday, and she feels like shit. So like all good people on a Sunday, she goes and kneels before the throne, praying to the porcelain God. As she's offering up her greatest, and trying to get the dried blood out of her nostrils, she realizes - woah, I like totally forgot about that fucking pumpkin thing. Shit. So, of course, not wanting to offend the Great One, to whom she gives her offerings, she decides there's only one thing to do.
So when Satan himself stuck his head out of the ground, and blew a big cloud of pot smoke up into the sky, which the airport authorities mistaked for "bad weather", the flight was canceled and the poor pumpkin people were left dissapointed. Never once suspecting that Martha was in fact just busy at worship.
And who can blame her, after having been in the big house for a while, she probably can use a bit of cheering up. So tonight when she starts dropping the 8 balls again, and makes the wise choice to sleep with that Italian guy, Martini, rather than that dang old pirate Captain Morgan, she'll know, every day is Sunday to the porcelain God. And That's A Good Thing (TM).